


It Was Always About To Hit Me

by soft_satan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 03:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21331774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_satan/pseuds/soft_satan
Summary: More first responders are killed by roadside incidents than by any other means.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 37
Kudos: 823





	It Was Always About To Hit Me

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately, this fic was inspired by true facts that I came across. More first responders are killed while on the side of the road than in fires or any other kind of disaster they face everyday.
> 
> Next time you see an emergency vehicle on the side of the road, remember to move into the lane farthest away from them if it's safe to do so, SLOW DOWN, and keep your eyes open. Treat it like an active school zone.
> 
> These people keep us safe, let's make sure to keep them safe too.
> 
> PS: title is from "How's It Going To Be" by Third Eye Blind ♡

Most fatalities among first responders are not due to what is expected. It isn’t fire, water, or any of the other unimaginably dangerous conditions that first responders face. It’s the drivers who don’t slow down, move over, and pay attention while passing first responders on the street. It’s hard to believe that firefighters and paramedics responding to a car accident on the side of the highway are in more potential danger than they are when they’re inside a burning building. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Buck heard this bit of information play on a loop in Maddie’s voice every time the 118 responded to an incident anywhere near the road. He took caution, watched out for his teammates, yelled obscenities at the occasional speeder. He’d even told every elementary class he’d ever visited to tell their parents how important it was to slow down and move over.

But since getting back on the team after his leg, the tsunami, and the lawsuit fiasco, Buck was distracted. Not by the potential for him bleeding out if he were to get injured, but by the cold shoulder he was still getting from Eddie. His (former? He hated to even think that) best friend had only spoken to him when necessary for the job. Otherwise, Eddie acted like Buck didn’t exist, and it was killing Buck. Even when Buck had worriedly asked Eddie where he’d gotten the black eye he’d come in with that morning, Eddie had walked right passed him as if he were a ghost. He knew Eddie was upset about the lawsuit, cutting off contact, and Buck’s mistake in trusting his attorney to keep what he’d said private, but contrary to popular belief, Buck wasn’t stupid. He knew there was more to it than that, he just wasn’t sure what it was, and no one else seemed to have a clue. It was all Buck could think about as they rolled up to the scene of a car accident.

Athena was already on the scene with a couple other officers, one laying out safety cones and the other talking to the drivers of the cars that had clearly been involved in a rear-end collision. They were already out of the car, sitting on the sidewalk away from the vehicles, looking banged up but mostly fine. Bobby fell in step with his wife as they approached, Athena giving him the run down of what happened. Buck tuned them out as Hen and Chim went to tend to the men, and Eddie grabbed an extinguisher to put out the car that was still smoldering. Buck’s heart skipped a beat as he realized Eddie might have to talk to him so they could get their job done, and he couldn't help but smile. Hearing Eddie's voice, however stony and professional it was, was the best part of his day.

“I don't need you,” Eddie bit out as Buck fell into step beside him.

Buck stopped mid-step, feeling his heart shatter as he watched Eddie walk away from him. Eddie didn't so much as look at him before he started spraying down the vehicle. Buck knew he must have looked like a kicked puppy then, because he heard Chim call to him and found a sympathetic look on the other man's face.

“Could you grab us an arm splint from the truck?” Chim asked.

Buck knew Chim was only trying to help him by giving him another job to do, but he wasn't about to complain. Chim was a good friend. With only a nod, Buck jogged to the back of the ambulance, quickly finding the splint in a drawer. Even with something to do, he couldn't stop his mind from playing Eddie's snapping words over and over in his mind. He wasn't absent minded enough not to pay attention to where he was walking back to the scene, staying between the ambulance parked on the side of the road and the safety cones in the street, just as he’d been trained and reminded to do. He may have been distracted, but he'd never let himself be so distracted on the job to put himself and others in danger. And that was why he turned to look when he heard it fast approaching down the otherwise quiet street.

Nothing that had happened to him over the last year was his fault. The bomb wasn't his fault, nor the embolism, and definitely not the tsunami. It just seemed as though the universe was out to get Evan Buckley. That was why he'd fought so hard to get back to work. But this, this was a choice.

As Eddie turned the corner around the ladder truck with the extinguisher, he glanced coldly at Buck and looked back down at the tank in his arms. Eddie absentmindedly moved closer to the open lane of traffic to avoid him, and Buck felt the pit of his stomach drop in dread. It was a split second decision from the moment he saw the car speeding down the road toward them, and Buck didn't even need to decide what to do, he just did it.

As Eddie's name tore from his lips, Buck moved. His hands slammed against Eddie's chest, sending the other man flying across the one and a half lanes. The last thing Buck saw was Eddie landing on his back on the medium, his warm eyes widening when he looked back up at Buck.

Later, he would not be able to remember the sound his bones made as they snapped on impact, the feeling of his body flipping into the air, or the crunch of glass shattering against his skin. He wouldn't remember the eternity in which he was flying, falling, floating it seemed, before the hot asphalt caught him. All he would remember is the sound of Eddie's voice saying his name for the first time in weeks, and the way his heart ached when he heard it, before everything went dark.

…

When he opened his eyes again, the midday sun was shining behind Eddie's head, creating a halo around him, and Buck couldn't help but smile up at him. He vaguely felt someone, he wasn't sure who, putting a brace around his neck and taking his blood pressure. They were all talking to each other, and maybe even him, but he wasn't processing any of it. All he could focus on was Eddie, the tears glistening in his brown eyes, and the way he was softly speaking to him. It was so nice to hear his name from those lips again.

“Buck? Can you hear me? Come on, Buck, say something,” Eddie begged.

“You okay?” Buck gasped, suddenly very aware of the pain shooting through various parts of his body.

He wasn't sure if Eddie laughed or sobbed as he bowed his head, but the way he swiped the back of his hand across his face before looking at him again gave Buck an idea. “Yeah, Buck. I'm okay, thanks to you.”

“Good,” Buck breathed, his eyelids suddenly feeling extremely heavy.

“Whoa, hey! Stay with us, Buckaroo!” Hen hollered, tapping his face gently.

Buck blinked his eyes open again, this time seeing Bobby hovering above him. “You're going to be okay, Buck. Just stay awake a little longer.”

“Hurts…” Buck breathed, feeling like his entire team had decided to sit on top of his chest.

“He could have internal bleeding,” Hen's shaky voice supplied.

“We need to get him to the hospital. Now.” Bobby ordered, disappearing from Buck's line of sight.

“Alright, Buck, we have to get you on the backboard,” Chim warned. “This is gonna hurt.”

Buck’s brow furrowed as his eyes scanned what little area he was able to see, unable to move his head because of the brace. “Eddie?”

In an instant he felt warm, shaking fingers stroke his hair, Eddie's comforting voice just to his right but still out of his line of sight. “I'm here, Buck. Stay calm.”

As they turned him to his side, white hot pain shot through his body. He was too dazed to pinpoint the exact sources of the pain, it just screamed throughout his bones from head to toe, stealing the breath from his lungs in the form of a scream. As quick as he was rolled over, he was back on his back, this time on top of a backboard. His vision swam, and he couldn't fight the whimper that escaped his lips as Eddie's hand found his hair again and the sky faded to black.

The next thing he knew, he was looking up at the ceiling of the ambulance. He was aware of Hen to his left, seeing her come in and out of his line of sight as she worked on him. Truth be told, he could barely feel the rest of his body at the moment, because all he could focus on was Eddie's face hovering inches above his and the blissful feeling of fingers gently touching the top of his head.

“He's back,” Eddie said to Hen, looking back at Buck with a blinding smile. “Hey, try to stay awake this time, okay?”

“Okay…” Buck mumbled, blinking lazily. It was so hard to keep his eyes open, but for Eddie, he would try.

Eddie shook his head, and Buck watched in hazy fascination as a tear slipped down his cheek. “Why did you do that, Buck? After everything I've put you through.”

“Cuz yer my bes' frien’,” Buck slurred, a small smile pulling at his lips as his eyes finally won the battle and slipped shut.

“Buck?” Eddie's voice sounded farther away than it had a moment ago. “Buck! Evan!”

He wanted to open his eyes again, to drink in Eddie's brown eyes one more time, but it felt as though his eyelids were glued shut. And as Buck fell deeper into the darkness, the voices and alarms suddenly going off in the ambulance fading farther away from him, the last thing he heard was a tearful voice cutting through the darkness.

“Please don't leave me.”

…

A steady beeping was the first thing that cut through the darkness. He knew that sound all too well, and he immediately wondered how long he had been unconscious this time around. His eyelids were so heavy, his lashes felt glued together, but the ambient noises of the hospital was enough to rouse him awake, even if he didn’t want to open his eyes to the harsh light just yet. That was, until he started to take stock of the condition of his limbs and realized there was a warm hand squeezing his, and it was definitely too big and too calloused to be Maddie’s. Soon after that realization, he took note of the position of the rest of his body. He wasn’t in much pain, thankfully, just a mild ache throughout, and he supposed he had painkillers to thank for that. He could sense that his left arm was in a cast from hand to shoulder, completely immobile at his side. Additionally, he realized his left leg was back in traction, a cocoon of a cast around it from thigh to toe. His ribs ached every time he took a breath, and he knew without being told that some, if not all of the ribs on his left side, were broken.

“Come on, Buck,” a familiar voice whispered, and Buck felt a thumb rubbing the back of his hand. “You have to wake up. This can’t be the thing that takes you out. You can’t…” the voice hitched, and Buck felt his heart ache when he heard the tears in the voice as he continued. “You can’t die because of me.”

His eyes were still heavy, but now he had reason to pry them open. He squeezed the hand in his, hearing a slight gasp to his right. “You’re worth it,” Buck rasped as he finally managed to open his eyes, blinking away the sleep to reveal Eddie’s hopeful face hovering in his line of sight.

“Oh my God, Buck,” Eddie sighed, a wide smile lighting up his soulful eyes. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“You okay?” Buck asked, suddenly remembering what had happened to put him into yet another hospital bed. “I didn’t… I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“What?” Eddie looked absolutely dumbfounded. “No, Buck, you saved my life.”

Buck shrugged his good shoulder, trying not to dwell on that fact, when his dry throat finally caused him to cough. Before he even said anything there was a straw at his lips, and he glanced up at Eddie with a grateful look before taking a drink.

“So how long have I been out?” Buck asked, once his throat would allow him to speak.

“Oh, uh, about three days,” Eddie said, but Buck could still see him processing behind his eyes. “Internal bleeding, broken ribs, broken arm, and you fucked up the rods in your leg. Your ribs punctured your lung.” Buck watched in surprise as Eddie’s eyes became glassy, just as they had when he thought Christopher was gone. “You flat lined three times, once in the ambulance and twice in surgery. We thought…” Eddie’s voice hitched painfully and he squeezed Buck’s hand tighter. “I thought I was going to lose you for good this time. And for what? To save me?” He shook his head, searching Buck’s eyes like he was looking for the answers to the universe. “After everything I’ve put you through. I was horrible to you, Buck. Why would you… Why would you throw away everything you’ve fought to get back?” He stared into Buck's eyes sadly. “You… you may not be able to come back from this.”

Buck just squeezed the hand that was still holding his. Strangely enough, the thought of having a desk job for the rest of his life didn't scare him the way it had less than a year ago. Because this time, it wasn't someone else who'd caused it. This time it was his choice. And in that moment, holding Eddie's hand, seeing him standing there completely unhurt, Buck was sure he'd made the right choice. Maybe it was the morphine that had disabled the filter between his mind and his mouth, or maybe it was the fact that he had just woken up from his fourth near-death experience in less than a year, but nothing could stop the words that tumbled out of Buck’s mouth next. “Just because you were being a jerk to me doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I chose this. I chose you. I don't regret that for a second.”

Eddie went pale, then his face flushed red just as quickly. The way he stammered brought so much joy to Buck’s heart that he couldn’t help but to smirk.

“I love my job, you know that.” Buck continued, gently rubbing his thumb across Eddie's knuckles. “But when you weren’t talking to me, I realized… it's not my whole world like it used to be. You and Christopher are my world. My everything. And I’m so sorry I ever hurt you.”

Eddie had tears rolling down his face, but so did Buck. “I’m sorry, too,” Eddie all but whispered, emotion strangling him.

With a slow and deliberate hand, Eddie’s free hand came to caress Buck’s cheek, his thumb wiping away his tears as Buck leaned into the touch and let his eyes slip shut. The moment Eddie’s lips were pressed to Buck’s forehead, the younger man felt a rush of relief and pure, warm love course through his veins, a contented sigh escaping his lips. Buck felt heat rise to his face as the beep of his heart monitor sped up. When he pulled away, Eddie replaced his lips with the touch of his own forehead, and Buck vowed to savor every second of this moment for the rest of his life.

“It wasn’t just Christopher who missed you, Buck,” Eddie whispered. “Suddenly not having you in my life was all I needed to realize that I… I don’t just want you in my life, I need you in my life. Because I love you. And that… terrifies me. And the idea of you coming back to work on blood thinners, putting yourself in needless danger like that, it petrified me and, yeah, it pissed me off. Because I can’t lose you, Evan. I don’t think I’d ever heal from that.”

“I love you too. But we're both a couple of stubborn asses,” Buck whispered, eliciting a hushed laugh from Eddie.

“We are. We should probably work on that.” Eddie pressed another kiss to Buck’s forehead, smiling against his skin when the heart monitor spiked again. “Two stubborn asses in love.”

“I’m so happy I feel like I’m gonna pass out,” Buck chuckled, struggling to open his eyes enough to look at Eddie.

Eddie grinned. “That might be the painkillers.”

“Will you stay?”

Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand, retaking his seat beside the bed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

They still had plenty of things to work through, and a long road to recovery ahead, but Buck knew that, no matter what happened, he would be fine as long as he had Eddie by his side. He squeezed Eddie’s fingers as he drifted back off to sleep, achy and sore, but warm and happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Also I just love self-sacrifice in the name of love ♡♡♡


End file.
